Chores Chores Chores

I went into our honeymoon assuming I would post a picture a day of our travels. I still plan on doing just that, but I had no intention of preposting (well except the wedding details post that goes up Monday). Then I was skimming through my reader and saw this great post on Chores and Marriage from A Practical Wedding.

Since Chores have been a discussion lately in our household, I thought I would post my two cents.

When Jay and I first moved to DC we lived with two college friends (also a couple). We assumed everything would go flawlessly, that we would automatically live very well together. As a result, we talked about NOTHING when it came our overall expectations or apartment upkeep. As you can imagine, things didn't go so well. We all got frustrated by the level of cleanliness, comments and the amount/frequency of social time. As a result we all simply grew apart.

This experience was very eye opening. I considered this couple to be our really good friends and was shocked how quickly a friendship ended over lack of communication. When we moved in with our roommate Mary, Jay and I decided we were going to prevent this problem right from the start. Mary had a similar roommate situation previously and was 100 percent on board. As a result our weekly chore chart was born. This chart was nothing crazy, just the simple knowledge that every week we each had one chore to complete in the living area (dust, swiffer the kitchen floor or vacuum). With our little chart, we never had a problem.

Flash forward almost 2 years later. We lived very happily with Mary for 17 months (we are staying with her right now in California), Jay spent 3 months in NYC and Baltimore (living with my parents), and Jay and I are for the first time living on our own together. I wanted to use the two weeks he was home before our honeymoon to see if we needed the structure of a chore chart or if we could make it without. After one week, we both realized a chore chart was the only way to go.

Here is the reality when you live with another person, regardless of their relationship to you, THEY CAN NOT READ YOUR MIND. Jay and I have VERY different definitions of clean. I think the kitchen counters need to be wiped down daily, he doesn't even notice the crumbs and drops of coffee.

We sat down and talked about our expectations for chores and our lifestyles. Jay knows I am easily overstimulated after work. While he is studying for his boards and we live in a studio, video games can be played as loud and often as he like during the day, but at night he plays them on mute. Believe it or not, this works really well for us as I usually blog for about an hour where he plays his video game. It's a win-win.

As for our chores, we sat down and made a list of things either of us think need to happen daily and weekly. Then we divided the tasks and I made us charts and lists so that we both know what we are responsible for.

Now, not all tasks made our list. There are some chores like emptying the dishwasher and making dinner that neither of us mind doing were left off. Then there are chores like making the bed. Since our apartment is tiny and open, I like the bed made. Jay gets up last. Jay now has an easy daily chore.

Likewise, Jay hates clearing the drying rack and will pile it so high that things fall off and break (i.e. our coffee pot that we got for our wedding which we had to replace this week). Now every morning as I make my oatmeal in the microwave, I spend that 1 minute and 45 seconds clearing the drying rack. And guess what, it rarely takes me longer than that.

Last week I may have been overwhelmed in the evening by loud noises and a dirty apartment, this week I have been happy. And, I know Jay is happier too as I am nagging him less. :)

Chore charts and written lists work for US. I know they don't work for everyone, but talking does.

How do you divide the chores in your household?

Lessons Learned Living Apart

I can't believe how quickly July went by! There are now only two weeks until Jay and I leave on our honeymoon. LA, NZ and Australia get ready!

The upcoming trip also means my "To-Do" list for work and home just keeps growing! I am trying to stay on top of them both so that these last two weeks in the states are as stress-free as possible. After a week of lounging around, I finally got my butt in gear this evening. I completely tackled my "To-Do" list in preparation for Jay to come home tomorrow night.

I am so excited to be living with him again. I have enjoyed my freedom these last 7 months and tried to take advantage of my last opportunity to live alone. Admittedly, this week was a little dull, but last week I had plans every night. I hope to continue my get-togethers even when he moves back in, just not as frequently. Both Jay and I agree how important it is to be able to do things together as well as apart.

I am really lucky that I got to see Jay fairly regularly while he was living in New York City and every few days while he was in Baltimore. Regardless, our distance relationship has taught me a few lessons about both myself and our relationship. 

I learned that I do not train well on my own and rely on Jay for support. I had high expectations for my races this past spring and failed to meet them. As each race approached I knew I was not in-shape enough for my goal. It was a great learning experience. I push through and competed in each one with a simple goal: to finish. And finish I did. Last year at this time I wasn’t comfortable enough to compete in a half marathon on my own. Now I have the confidence it takes to race solo, I just need the push from a training partner. I have come to realize there is always another race.

I've learned that I can make it on my own. Don't get me wrong, I love having Jay around, but I think it is really important that we each have our own friends as well. We met in college and have been together for 6 plus years. All of our similarities and time together have resulted in many of the same friends. This is not a bad thing; we just find it important to have our own friends as well.

The first week or two that Jay was gone were hard. I missed him a lot. I am so thankful I could rely on a few friends during this time. Throughout his entire journey Jay and I talk on the phone at least once a day for a good 30 minutes plus. Those first few weeks, it was nice to hear from my friend Ben on a regular basis. Locally, my DC girls were a big help. While I love my long distance friend dearly, there is something so nice about being able to meet-up face to face with a friend. As always, they kept my social calendar packed ;).

I learned that Jay does have a sense of fashion. Jay had always let his mom fill his closet with clothes. I was happily shocked when he really got into his looks in NewYork. It's good to know I can set him loose in a store and he'll come out looking great.

I learned how important community is. Between our local alumni network and the local bloggers, I had a busy spring/summer. These last few months, I have jumped at every opportunity to go out and socialize. And even though he will be back, I still would like to get more involved in the DC Blogger Community this fall. I have really missed book club!

I appreciate Jay more than before. I didn't think this one was possible. I am continually amazed how he can be there for me even from a distnace. Plus, Jay has been living with my parents in Baltimore. It makes me happy that they are sad to see him go. I am sooo glad that my husband gets along with my parents so well. It makes life soo much easier!

I’ve learned that change can be a really good thing. A year ago I would have never been able to predict all that has happened in the past year. Our “master plan” went out the window in a matter of days. Regardless, the biggest thing I have learned is that change can be a really good thing. Change can open some amazing doors and present some amazing opportunities. I am thankful for these past 7 months. I am thankful for the opportunity to go abroad for a month. I am thankful to have such a great partner in crime. And I am excited to tackle each new challenge as they present themselve with Jay.

(source)

What are your experiences with long distance relationships?

Psssh Goals!

Yikes, I'm falling off the blogging bandwagon. I think of all months, this month is when goals will be key. Believe it or not, I'll be MARRIED in 38 days. What is funny is I am not worried about marriage at all, I am more inundated by all the things we (I) have to do before the big day.

I think the biggest reason I am NOT worried about being married is because of the relationship Jay and I have built. We are VERY open with each other (i.e. no secrets). We have both tried keeping things from each other, but it always comes out in a day or two (i.e. someone's iPad...). We have also already crossed the money threshold. Last weekend, I gave Jay his credit card (under my name), we merged Mint.com accounts and we checked in with his student loans (which are crazy scary but not as bad as I remember them :).

(source)

I have to say we are in a comfortable position and will be able to survive until he finds a job this fall. Our financial situation actually comforted me. Yes, we have to overcome his student loans, but we aren't doing half bad, as long as we continue to budget and set aside money for anticipated expenses (i.e. wedding we're in, car maintenance, health etc.). Hopefully when we do get caught off guard, our Emergency Fund will cover it.

But enough about money, let's regroup and talk about how I did in April and what I would like to achieve in May.

Crafts: Work on wedding crafts and finish chalkboard signs

SUCCESS! Chalkboard signs are done thanks to Charlotte (as well as many other wedding crafts). I have a few things here and there to finish, but overall I feel like the crafts are under control.

Books: Finish The Poisonwood Bible

FAIL: I still have a little left in the book. Honestly, with all the craziness I have been enjoying doing NOTHING on the metro. I definitely want to finish the book by the end of the month and fall back in love with reading.

Running: Go on one long run a week

Semi-Success: I ran each weekend but some of my runs weren't as long as I would have liked. In May, I would like to continue to try and get one 6+ mile run in a week.

Gym Classes: Attend 7 gym classes

SUCCESS: I attended 10 gym classes this month. In May I would like to attend at least 10 classes.

My Core: Work my abs 16 days

Semi-Success: My biggest problem with abs work is I am not consistent and I am awful about tracking it. In May I would like to continue to work my abs 16 days and actually track it.

Sweets: Continue to redefine desserts

Semi-Success: I am doing a lot better than before. I am not eating as many sweets which is a plus.

Recipes: Create one recipe for the blog

FAIL: No recipes this month. I think the goal will be put on the back burner until July.

A quick note about my post on Getting’ My Butt in Gear: I have to say I feel a lot better. I feel so much better now that my diet is cleaner and Jay and I are being a little more active. It’s amazing how a few small actions can go a long way.

 

What are your goals this month? What are your greatest barriers to completing your goals?